The Diva Muse

O. 21 July 2008 Savvy Sundays Comments

This Savvy Sunday topic is all about getting that man out of your system and getting on with your life. We have all in been in that situation where we were with that one guy who we just couldn”t let go of. That guy that we break all of our rules for, and that we may even play the fool for. When that guy breaks up with us for whatever reason, and we are in love and have given our hearts it is very difficult to let go, but sometimes we have to.

Here are some sure fire ways to help you get that man out of your system and off your mind.

1. Clean House

Get rid of everything that reminds you of this guy, photos, gifts, letters etc. The last thing you need while trying to get over this guy are constant reminders of him. You don’t have to throw away these things, but find a place that is out of sight and out of mind so that you aren”t looking at them. Ask a friend or someone you trust if you can store these things at their place until you are able to see them without feeling anything. You may also want to deliberately forget his number, email address and any other avenue of communication. The last thing you want to do is drunk dial, text, or email this guy.

Try to stay away from establishments that you frequented together. And if your lives have been intertwined, you may even have to stay away from mutual friends for awhile. Just until you have gotten past the emotions that will keep you thinking about him and causing you to do things that you would otherwise not do when you are in your right mind.

2. Dwell On the Negative

Now is the time for you to do the one thing that we are told not do in life.¬† Dwell on all of the bad things about this guy. If he has a crooked yellow tooth, make a note of that. If he is a bad dancer, has a habit of chewing with his mouth open, or he talks really loud, make a note of these, actually right them down, and think about how absolutely irritating they are and how lucky you are that you don”t have to deal with those things anymore.

3. Psyche Yourself Out

It is a known fact that if you find something repulsive, or if you experience physical pain or discomfort from something, you will more than likely do what ever you have to in order to avoid it.

Think of the last time you were sick to your stomach, or you had a headache, or any type of unbearable discomfort that you can go a whole lifetime without ever experiencing again, now make a correlation between that discomfort and the yucky ex.

Say his name and think of your stomach or head or whatever and how bad it makes you feel. If you see his picture, smell his cologne, or if he happens to call you for whatever reason, associate these things with terrible discomfort. If you do this successfully and consistently, soon just the thought of him will make you want to toss your cookies or reach for the bottle of aspirin.

Another tip that works when trying to get a guy out of your head, is to picture him exploding, going up in flames, or floating away. Or picture his face with a red circle and a line going through it. This is not because you are wishing for his untimely demise, (although when your heart is broken, that is not a bad idea) but rather you are visualizing this person floating away or blowing up and out of your life.

4. Focus On You

When was the last time you had a spa day, a personal day, or any day that didn”t involve his or some other person’’s plans but your own? When was the last time that you did something personal, like get a massage, a facial, or something that only feels good to and only benefits you. If it’s been a while, or even if it hasn”t been, go do that selfish thing. Go get pampered as many times as your schedule and finances will allow. Relish the idea of taking care of yourself and making this time about you. Don”t do it for anyone else, just for yourself. You are not trying to impress anyone especially the ex. You are simply trying to get in touch with yourself and what you need and spend time with you.

5. Go Out

The last thing you want to do is stay home and and sulk, and dwell on the fact that you have broken up with your significant other. You are allowed to cry and feel sorry for yourself for exactly 24 hours. You can choose to do this all in one 24 hour period, or an hour a day for 24 days, that is up to you, but after that you need to stop wallowing in self pity and pick yourself up. Go out with friends, family, and even dates. Yes, date. I am not saying go get a booty call or start sleeping with a bunch of guys. That type of behavior will not help your situation. But I am saying go out have fun, dance, do karaoke, go to church, whatever, just get out and do things with people as soon as possible. The more you do these things, the less lonely you will feel and the sooner you will get on with meeting that new guy.

A word of caution, don”t engage in overeating or excessive drinking, this can make the problem worse.

6. Change Your Soundtrack

There are all kinds of music that you can listen to help accelerate and make the break up process easier. By no means do you want to listen to anything sad, anything that you listened to while with the ex, or anything romantic or cheesy. This is the time to listen to something empowering and motivating. Some good choices, Like A Boy by Ciara, Irreplaceable by Beyonce, I”m Every Woman by Whitney Houston or Chaka Kahn. Listen to anything that is going to give you confidence, make you feel sexy, and make you feel like a beautiful woman.

7. Work Out

This is the best time to get your body tight and fine and slammin. There are two reasons for doing this, one because the endorphins that kick in from exercise are the closest thing that you are probably going to get to sex for a while, and two, the next time you see the silly ex, you want to look twice as good, with half the cares in the world than you had with him and zero drama. One of the things that a guy has a hard time handling is a super sexy bootylicious ex, especially if you weren”t that way when you were together.

8. Learn Something New

While going through the initial stages of a break up, relationships, love, marriage, and all of that should be the last thing on your mind. A good way to occupy your mind, and is by learning something new. Take up a hobby, a sport, read a different genre than you are used to, start learning a new language, or write your own book, blog, or script. Learn photography, paint, draw, or even salsa dance. Doing something new will spark areas of your brain that you probably haven”t used in a while, it will also give you something to focus on and you can have a party and serve that awesome gumbo that you learned how to make in the cooking class that you might decide to take. Now that is something a new beau may appreciate somewhere down the line.

9. Prepare yourself for the time when you may see him with another girl.

This is one of those things that inevitably will happen and you want to be able to handle it when it does. You don”t want to freak out or lose your mind so it is a good idea to practice this scenario well in advance so when it does happen, you will know how to pro-act and it will be just like seeing any other old friend and his new girl.

In the event that you do see him alone, keep it light, keep it business like, and make it snappy. Don”t spend a whole lot of time or energy asking him questions about what is going on in his life. If he is thinking about getting back with you, let him make all of the advances, and don”t assume or read into anything.

If he is really serious about sparking something new with you, you will know because he will be chasing you down like you were a dog in heat. At this point, it is up to you to decide where you want to go with this, but remember, you should never be the one to bring up anything about getting back with him, or even spending any time with him. You are a new woman, you are in control, and you are the one who should be being chased.

10. Absolutely No Booty Calls

After the ex sees you with your bootylicious body, and your wonderful new bootylicious attitude, he is more than likely going to want to touch the assets and get a little closer to what used to belong to him. Nothing short of a proposal on one knee and at least a carat in diamonds set in platinum should make you forget these tips and open your legs to the man who previously didn”t think you were good enough to be with before. And when I say nothing short, I mean that is the least that you should consider accepting.

I acknowledge that it is not at all easy to get over someone whether he has broken up with you or you have broken up with him. But taking some definitive steps to move on even when you don”t want to and keeping your head up while going through something that can be very painful will make the transition in your life much quicker, much less chaotic and a whole lot easier.

Believe me, it is a whole lot better than wallowing in self pity, and losing yourself over a guy. Even a broken hearted Diva should still be a bootylicious one.
Have a great week.

The Diva Muse